sweetplumeria.

with guys..*sigh

I’m just a fuck up. Gonna have a shitty bday weekend.

The crazy bitch had to sit next to me. Over an hour left to go. Sigh**

I shouldn’t have called you and wished your bitch ass a happy birthday. You’re still an asshole.

I leave tomorrow to go back to California.

which means I have to go through the process of saying goodbye to my family :’(

But for some reason I can’t wait to go back to college and living the dorm life again

BUT that means waking up at 8 am this whole week and going to school blah blah blah.

I hate feeling sad/excited at the same time.

i’m gonna miss my family soooooo much, i don’t even know when’s the next time I can come and visit.

ugh.

people think that I’m seriously depressed over KF, when that is NOT THE CASE. shit, cut it out guys. Honestly, i’m doing way better than I ever was when I was with him. The only thing that saddens me is that I went through so much for that kid because i thought I “loved” him. Because of him, I missed out on having REAL friends, possible relationships with better guys, and basically changed my family’s “view” on me. Yeah, I got hurt REAL bad by him. However, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna crawl into a hole and put a ton of walls up. honestly, I can’t wait for the next serious guy in my life. Being the kind of person I am, I’d love him like no other woman could. That’s just my personality. If you treat me right, i’ll treat you better. Women are just delicate beings that want nothing more than to be loved by someone. In my opinion, my breakup with KF is something that needed to happen in my life so that I can see what different opportunities there are for me. I’m in college and don’t need to deal with that high school shit he gives me. But for now, i’m just doing me. I realized that I can stand up on my own two feet. I don’t always need a guy there to help me. But that doesn’t mean i won’t give a guy a chance to show me something better. I’m letting everything fall into place on its own. so stop bothering me!

was such an emotional rollercoaster. I actually remembered I was terrified for that year to come because I knew the changes that were gonna be happening.

• I’ll be graduating from high school
• I’ll be moving out of Hawaii
• I knew eventually my boyfriend and I were gonna break up
• I would no longer be living with my parents or little brothers
• I’d be starting college in a totally different environment
• etc etc etc.

And those are just the main highlights, there were actually MANY things that happened in between. I remember the first few months I cried myself to sleep or I was just very very very depressed at the time. I had given up all hope on getting accepted into a University. I was awfully depressed because I was told that I couldn’t attend my Senior Prom. I was in denial that high school was ending. And for a moment, I thought I was in love. and all the other shit that occurred.

But what happened in the end was that

• I got accepted into a high ranking school, which is now ranked 5TH IN THE NATION.
• I was able to attend Senior Prom
• I met pretty down ass people in California
• Now I live on my own, with no parents to tell me what to do.
• Finished my First quarter of college!
• Kristian and I broke off for GOOD.
• etc etc etc

All these transitions I was so scared of, actually made my whole life better. I was so scared of change, that I didn’t even notice it caused a negative impact on me instead. Now I want to grasp the opportunities that come my way and figure out just who I am and what potential I have. Although I was hurt the most this year, i’m so proud that I was able to get through it. I’m excited for what 2012 has in store for me.

I totally recommend downloading that app if you have an iphone, itouch, or ipad. I failed to do my 365 for 2011, so hopefully i’ll be able to do it for 2012. I just feel like I got lazy because i always had to connect my cam to the computer and edit it all the time. So hopefully with this, It’s more convenient for me :)The only difference would be the quality of my photos due to the fact i’m using an itouch 4gen. Camera quality really isn’t all that great. BUT, i’m always on that thing putting effects on pictures and what not. I think it’s very fun, so I encourage everyone to do this! App is called-my365. It’s freeeee too!

Please follow me: @mellyjellyy

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